I'm not afraid of adversity!!

As we roll towards Canada Day I’m feeling very patriotic and as such think that a Canadian euphemism might be in order to express how I’m feeling these days; my life is currently like a hockey game and I’m in net and the universe is taking endless shots. What I’m not really able to figure out is whether or not I’m actually blocking those pucks or if I’m letting them all get in past me.

In the past two weeks my 6 year old and I have been struck down with pneumonia, the 13 year old has bronchitis and just when I thought that the last man standing was going to be okay he came down with a terrible cough and an ear infection. A lesser woman would have caved under the pressure, but not me. I took 3 days off of work and headed back in to the office to find out that my career is kind of tanking, well maybe not so much tanking as it might just be in a "transitional stage"; but for whatever reason it looks like the universe is letting me know that it’s time to move on. So onwards I go, with full confidence (you can let me know later if you actually believe that remark about full confidence) that there’s a reason why all this is happening. A couple of days ago my horoscope said “You may be feeling like the universe isn't on your side right now, Aries. But that feeling could probably be attributed to the hectic state of your life right now. You've had a lot on your plate for a long time, and with so little relief the stress and anxiety have worn you out.” REALLY??? Worn me out – that might be the biggest understatement of the decade. I feel like the universe is putting its big old boots to me; just giving me a giant kick in some direction that I’m not so sure I want to be travelling in. I realize that I’m looking for my path, but perhaps the trip to getting on that path might want to be just a little better paved, a few less bumps along the way would be appreciated!!

So here’s where I am at; this isn’t the first time that my career has taken a path that I wasn’t sure of. I work in an industry where you get bought and sold more often than a leaky sail boat! And every time I’ve had to take on a new role in a new organization, it has always been a great opportunity and I have always been grateful in the end for the new people that I have met and the new experiences that I have gained. So this is how I am approaching this chapter in my world. I need to be healthy and happy, so it’s time to find the right job and the right career that will help to get both of those things rolling once again. I know it, the universe knows it and whoever it is that is writing those horoscopes sure knows it too…several days after the above horoscope was posted my horoscope read “You can find the joy you want in your life. There is something that is blocking your path to finding it, though, and it is something you need to resolve internally. You are engaged in something difficult, or you haven't been able to forgive yourself for something. Address that issue, and you'll be on the path to happiness and serenity”. Look out world; happiness and serenity are on their way!! There are some things that I might need to figure out, but once I do there isn’t anything that can stop me! Today I’m focusing on what is currently right in my world, and there really is an abundance of things and people for which I am grateful. I figure if I can keep focusing on those things that are right, the ones that need to right themselves will fall into path!

Gratitude and Satisfaction

People fascinate me! I spend a lot of time watching other people, trying to figure them out and hoping that maybe by understanding others in turn I will better understand myself. I really do believe that every person with whom we interact serves a purpose; that they are there at that exact moment as you for a reason. I guess that’s why I start up random conversations with strangers in stores and on trains (and even on Twitter). I’ll take any opportunity to understand someone, to listen to them tell a story and to try to understand a point of view, even the ones that I don’t share. But for all the talking that I do, and all the listening, I’m still quite baffled by our human experience. I’m baffled by our dissatisfaction with the life that we have been given when in reality we all have such a finite amount of time to be able to find gratitude and satisfaction in our lives.

Recently while on a break from jury duty selection I was sitting by the water fountain at Toronto’s City Hall; to my right was the exact spot where 21 years ago I sat with the boy that I would marry, it was the first time he ever held my hand. To my left was a couple, all dressed up and heading into City Hall to vow to love each other until death parts them. I sat there wondering what happens; what happens that takes that wonderful, impossible and unexplainable feeling that you feel for someone as you fall in love and turns it into something that no longer works, something with which we feel dissatisfied? I wonder why it is that some people cannot find it within themselves to nurture love and be grateful for its presence in their life. I don’t subscribe to the theory that people grow apart, I subscribe to the theory that we are all chasing an idea of what we think our life should look like, what our relationships should look like, that we are overlooking those things in our life that would bring others great satisfaction. Our lives are not scripts written in Hollywood, our life experience is so fraught with emotion; happiness, sadness, and great moments of inexplicable grief but onwards we go uncertain as to whether or not the happy ending is waiting for us at the end.

We should all be looking for satisfaction within the boundaries of the life that we have been given. I’m not perfect, and I don’t always find gratitude where I should, and I can’t always see the sun for the clouds in my own life. I have hurts from the past that often times feel like they will never heal themselves, but I do know that the soul knows how to heal itself, all we have to figure out is how to still our minds in order to allow the healing to begin. My life for the most part is organized chaos, and sometimes it’s unorganized chaos, and I’m still feeling like my life is currently out of order, but I trust that the universe is merely re-organizing things for me in order to give me a fresh start that will be better than ever and for that I am grateful and very satisfied.