Friday, 5 August 2011

Changing Directions

I don't think that starting my own blog was something that I ever thought that I would undertake.  I've often thought about writing stories, or a column, to submit to local magazines.  Writing is in my nature.  I grew up with a need to write from a very early age, always journaling, writing poetry and stories.  But life sometimes takes us in new directions and we don't always end up exactly where we thought that we would.  So here I am today, as my life undertakes a huge directional change from the life that I had a year ago; married to a man I loved, a full time working mother of three very beautiful boys (11, 4 and 1) to the life that I have today; a single, full time working mother of three beautiful boys.  That same husband from a year ago that I loved; well he now lives in a lovely condo north of my home, right across the street from his girlfriend!

August 10th will mark the one year anniversary of the day I found the text message that finally led me to telling my husband to pack his things and get out of my house.  I'm not an irrational woman, I'm just a woman who finally realized that if I knew about three affairs, there were others and while love may be blind I didn't want to be any longer.  A lot has happened since that day; although we're still very much in a transitional place when it comes to the actual divorce proceedings, we live two very separate lives.  I have custody of our boys, and he has regular visitation.  I was able to keep my own home and am grateful that I'm smart enough and gainfully employed enough, that I can do this.  I know a lot of women would not have been so fortunate.

So as I try to figure it all out, I imagine that there are numerous women out there in the same boat as myself, so I'm willing to share my experiences in the hopes that I can help someone out there, but that in turn maybe some of you can help me also.  I don't know a lot about where life will lead me, the one thing that I'm finding is that when you've been with someone for half of your life you carry in your mind an image of what your future will be.  When that person turns out to be someone different than who you thought that they were and that relationship ends, they take with them what you imagined the future to look like.  Today I'm completely unable to imagine what my future looks like, and the thought of making plans anything more that a week out leaves me in a state of angst.  One of my closest friends has generously offered to take me to Argentina in January, she will pay my airfare with flight points and we would stay with a friend of hers in Argentina so the trip would be practically free for me.  However, to plan something 6 months out almost feels like an impossible task to me.  The future that was once so clear is now just a muddy haze.

But here is the one thing that I do know for sure; I know that in life we are all destined to be on a certain path.  As much as we all may want to believe that we are in control, we are not.  Our individual path is the one that we must be on, the path that will lead us where we are meant to be.  When we begin to feel great amounts of discomfort in our lives it is simply because we have come off path.  The end of my marriage was fraught with discomfort, we loved each other, but we were not happy any longer.  Perhaps his role in my path was to give me my 3 beautiful sons, once that was done we were both drifting off path. 

I encourage all of you to find your path if your life no longer feels comfortable, allow yourself to get back on the right path.  Finding that path is the trick, but I have full confidence that I will find mine and I am certain that you will find yours as well.

Until next time, sending joy and happiness and hoping that you are able to find your path and get back on

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