Monday, 1 October 2012

And Suddenly it Settles

A funny thing has been happening lately, the journey has gotten exponentially easier.  From day to day, week to week it all appears to be getting easier; and as it becomes easier it has become more enjoyable. 

About a week ago a feeling of peace settled in my life, a feeling like it's all finally okay.  The boys are all in school full days now and its amazing how it feels to know that they are having full days involved in school work and that I'm not so reliant on help from others to manage the boys throughout the day.  And when I get home at the end of the day, it's a pleasure to see them and to spend time with them.  All three boys are getting older, and as they grow they bring me more joy.  Just as I wrote months ago, the journey of raising my boys gets better with each passing week; time continues to make the experience that much more wonderful.

And then there's the process of getting divorced, we are still absolutely nowhere near being finalized with that.  But it no longer concerns me the way that it once did.  I have a full, wonderful life and he has his.  We are both travelling in opposite directions, further and further apart with only the boys to keep us connected in any way.  I have made peace with the fact that he is no longer the man that I married and that I loved;  that man no longer exists, but I'm okay with that.  His role in my life was to give me my beautiful sons, once they were all in my world there was no longer a role for him in my journey.  There isn't a gift more significant in this world than what he gave to me.  The boys are my joy, my pride and the most magical thing that I have ever, or will ever, be a part of.

And lastly there is my little secret of the past year, a wonderful new man in my life.  Someone who makes me laugh, and makes me feel beautiful and who is the first person in my life who has ever been able to make me slow down.  I'm grateful that we found our way into each others lives, and while the relationship is still relatively new, I am open to whatever the experience of having him in my world will bring, and am exponentially grateful for the quiet that he instills in me.  He is the first person in my life who isn't always in a hurry to be somewhere, or to do something, and I'm grateful that this is a skill that, believe it or not, I am learning from him. 

So, today I am filled once again with gratitude; my cup runneth over.  There is so much in my world for which I am grateful, many of those things I overlooked for years.  But now it appears that a part of learning to slow down is allowing me to finally see the things in my world that are nothing short of gracious blessings and I am filled with the desire to keep learning and growing while I find my path.  The path will continue to have its twists and turns, and no two routes are ever going to be the same.  The important thing will never be the final destination, it will always be the journey.  I am happy to report that my journey is quite remarkable and I am enjoying every moment along the way.

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